September 29,2024
I used to think it was funny to joke about herpes. Haha. But it wasn’t funny. It isn’t funny.
I didn’t think it would ever happen to me. I knew the odds… well… sort of. But I carried on. And I had a good run. A fabulous run. I mean… well, you get the idea. Test after test came back negative. And then it happened to me.
It’s naive to believe only promiscuous people get herpes. I mean, it does increase the risk, certainly it does. But there are no guarantees in life. In my 30s, my good friend separated from her husband and then she met someone. She was out there. Ready to live single. Ready to experience new things. She’d slept with two men; her husband and this man. She got herpes. Let that sink in.
I follow The Bulwark folks pretty closely. Every day I catch a podcast, maybe two; read a few articles. JVL is one of my favorite analysts, perhaps even one of my favorite people. He said this:
“Look, this Harvard poll did not test favorability ratings for the Taliban, or Vladimir Putin, or herpes. If they had, I’m sure all three would have been less popular than JD Vance. But not by much.”
What a foolish, unkind thing to say. To even compare JD Vance to herpes is a disservice to herpes. Herpes is a nuisance skin condition. JD Vance is a threat to American democracy. It’s only “funny” when used in this way. But JVL, IT’S NOT FUNNY. Maybe JVL doesn’t have genital herpes, but one in six adults he encounters every day does. One in six. Let that sink in.
Shortly after JVL’s piece was published, this headline appeared in The New Republic:
“New Poll Shows Just How Much People Hate J.D. Vance An analyst joked that J.D. Vance is only barely more popular than herpes.”
That’s you JVL. You’re that analyst. Tell me your words don’t have import and impact. Tens of thousands of your followers read your work and hear you speak every day including other journalists. Your message gets picked up by others and used and reused. Haha JVL! Haha!!! JVL, IT’S NOT FUNNY!
And it’s not just that it’s not funny. I advocate on behalf of the herpes population. I educate. There are young men and women, newly diagnosed, who reach out to me — desperate for answers. They are desperate to be told they are not despicable, that they won’t always want to die from the shame of it, that they will find a partner.
Some of these men and women are suicidal.
Let that sink in.
Be careful what you say, JVL.
Be careful what you say, everyone.
Quit contributing to the herpes stigma. Your words exacerbate the pain we feel. Your words make it hard for us to navigate the single world, to date, to disclose, to deal with rejection.
But it’s even bigger than that.
Your words may cause someone to take their own life.
Let that sink in.
Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash