December 14, 2024
There was this awfully good looking older fellow, perhaps early 60s, my age, who started showing up in the comments of a few of my stories a few days back. I haven’t been in a good head space the last week, so I half-heartedly tried to discourage him. I mentioned my current obsession with political going’s on, which is also why I haven’t been in a good head space. He responded that he doesn’t pay attention to politics. That pretty much rules him out as any kind of a connection for me, friendship or otherwise. Anyone who is not paying attention to current events isn’t someone I’d have much in common with. But he was persistent. Gotta admire that in a man. He gave me his email twice in comments, so I emailed him.
I got his “cut it out” email this morning and went back on Medium to check to see if he’d blocked me. He is showing as a “deleted user”. Curious, I asked Google and Google said: “The key differences between a deleted user and a blocked user on Medium are that a deleted user has removed their account and can no longer access the platform, whereas a blocked user still has an active account but is restricted from interacting with the user who blocked them.” Furthermore, Medium will delete fake and spam accounts. The platform is growing, but it’s still a manageable enough size that the tools they have in place are catching these accounts. Perhaps another lovely senior women who he was pursuing reported him! If she did, she beat me to it. Regardless of why or how, our communication has ended. Another poor man who will never get benefit of The Full Coco. Very sad indeed.
This is our exchange after we started emailing. Do you think I was nice in telling him about my concerns? I think I could have been a lot more acidic, and absolutely have been on some online sites. In fact, I abused the fakes so badly on Tinder I was permanently banned. Permanently! I’ll have to repost some of the communications with Tinder when I tried like hell to get back on that platform. I thought my dating life was over, not to mention SEX, but nope. I still have opportunities for both on other dating platforms.
I digress.
Here are some of the things that tipped me off he was a fake, so take note:
· He wanted to move to an alternate platform for communication. They ALL want to do this. I Googled Spike. The app originated in Israel and is not nearly as popular in the U.S. as some of the other messaging apps. This may or may not be significant to an American (like me) who knows about WhatsApp, KIK, Snapchat, eh, that’s about it.
· HE WAS WIDOWED! Most fakes are widowed.
· He didn’t tell me how long he’d been widowed, which is something that men who are widowed never fail to disclose.
· He named the breeds of his cats. Who knows that shit? I just call mine “rescues”. Plus, he used little kitty cat and kitty paw emojis. I don’t even do that.
· He’d been on deployments since 2008 and so he couldn’t take care of a pet, and yet he was retired. That’s a contradiction. Plus, he provided an exact timeline of when his deployments began but failed to mention when he retired. And he didn’t name his branch of service. Usually, people who served are proud of which branch they were in.
· His uncle, who died during Viet Nam, was his role model. Viet Nam was over when I was pretty young. I was about 12. To have an uncle who inspired you to join the service when you were only about 12 is a stretch. Not completely implausible, but a stretch.
· He had a gunshot wound in 2011. Exact timeline again. Plus, a gunshot wound. Please. Who shares that information at the outset of an online relationship?
The biggest red flag is how much detail he provided early on in communication coupled with the subtle contradictions. And the fact he’s a “deleted user” means he deleted his own profile, which it’s hard to believe, because he hooked me for a bit of communication, so even though it’s not a dating app, it’s a pretty darn good place to connect with quality people. So, I assume Medium must have caught on to him and deleted his profile.
It’s always hard to wonder if someone is truly attracted to you because of who you are and not what you have to offer them. And in our online universe, it’s sad that you even have to wonder. And even sadder when your instincts are proven correct. But if there’s one thing I’ve absolutely learned about connecting with people online: If it sounds too good to be true, it is.
Email Exchange:
Me:
You’re very persistent. You want to make friends with other single people your age and that’s really cool. I just don’t think that I am as positive as you are right now. Plus, I just turned in my final for intro to theology and that paper absolutely sucks. But I did post the conclusion which is pretty good.
Anyway.
Oh… Also… I am a very large woman. You’re a very handsome man so probably I’m not somebody that you would normally pay any attention to apart from the fact that I am a bang-up writer and a pretty fabulous gal all the way around.
How long have you been on your own?
Here are some pics of Smoky the Pirate.
Deleted User:
What a cute big boy 🐾🐈⬛. He must have endured so much pain after those operations. I grew up with three wonderful cats — two tuxedos and a Bombay 🐈⬛. Although I’ve never owned a pet on my own, I’ve always loved them. Sadly, I don’t have the time to care for one, and the thought of losing them is too hard to bear.
I began getting deployments in 2008 and haven’t had the chance to settle permanently since. My uncle, who served in the Air Force and gave his life in the Vietnam War, was my greatest inspiration 🫡. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and am looking forward to wrapping up my operations successfully, though I carry my battle scars — like the gunshot wound I got in my left arm back in 2011
Seems like we’re having a bit of trouble finding the right time to connect. I’d enjoy getting to know more about your likes and dislikes — it sounds like a great way to bond! Maybe we could try a quicker way to chat. Do you use Spike?
Me:
No. I have not heard of Spike.
Do you have any way I can validate your identity? Lots of fakes online are widowed, sorry to say. Women flock to them like flies to honey, myself included. An ex-wife can be trouble. But a widow can have a broken heart. It’s always difficult. Life is hard for all of us, no one escapes suffering. That’s not to say this is a romantic connection. I never assume. My goal is always friendship.
Do you have a LinkedIn or Facebook? Instagram? Feel friend to send me a friend request.
Deleted User:
No, Coco! I have never used Facebook or Instagram. The internet sucks so I try to stay careful on the internet. Maybe there is something else I can try. Spike is an email app as well. We use Spike here to communicate with friends or family from here.
Me:
Yeah, I have a funny feeling about you. One thing you could do is send me a selfie with your hand on top of your head. I wrote a book about online dating. Not that we’re dating. But there’s just so much to be cautious about. I occasionally am duped, and it stings.
Like if you have grandkids, how come you started to get deployments in 2008? I’m assuming we’re about the same age. In 2008 I was well into my 40s. How come you never got deployed when you were younger? Because I know you can’t join the military after, I think it’s age 35. And when you talk about… I don’t know. It just kind of sounds canned. And if this makes you angry, then that’s a dead giveaway. When you accuse someone of inauthenticity and they get angry, they’re usually not being authentic. Because when you are real, and you are authentic, you have no issue with proving that to the people that you’re reaching out to online. And with men, it’s really super important that they care about a woman’s need to be safe. Think about what you would want for a female relative, your sister, or your daughter. You would want her to feel safe and confident. So, providing a selfie would not be an issue whatsoever. I hope those things are true about you.
Deleted User:
Honestly, I’m not sure I need to explain myself to you. There’s no harm in asking someone about their identity, but how it’s done matters. If it’s approached incorrectly, it’s understandable to feel upset. You mentioned having a funny feeling about me, which seems like a pretty direct opinion. So, if you’re already feeling skeptical about this connection, I don’t see the need to go further. I see why you mentioned being filled with negativity. Cut it out.
Me:
Best of luck to you, then, in your quest to find a woman on Medium.
Photo by Taras Chernus on Unsplash