August 16, 2024
My life is so boring AND I FUCKING LOVE IT.
So here are today’s BORING events.
I just watched Our Idiot Brother with Paul Rudd and laughed out loud, several times, and realize I do not laugh very often, and particularly not a sustained good belly laugh.
I’m trying to figure out why.
David took me to a comedy show a few weeks ago. He was so sweet about it. He didn’t ask, just bought tickets. He thought I’d be able to relate to her humor since she is well versed in 12 Step programs. And it was funny, but I had a hard time hearing her. I wasn’t familiar with her comedy; I didn’t Google her in advance and David didn’t fill me in. So, I really didn’t laugh much at all. Which is very very sad when you go to a comedy show. Because she’s a good comedian. It’s not her fault.
Now, the one thing I do is cry every day. Several times. A few seconds, maybe a minute. Not sobbing, just the tear slippage kind of crying. I’m practicing thinking about other things instead of giving in to the sadness, so it passes. But so many things trigger the tears. It’s SO ANNOYING.
I’m not depressed right now. I’ve been keeping track; I have a graph. HA!
Oh, speaking of therapy, well I wasn’t but now I am, I found Portland State University Clinic. I can get therapy for $15 a session! I am STOKED. You know how hard I’ve been trying to find a therapist. My last therapist, the one I’d worked with since 2015, DIED. We still chat, though, on account of I believe we’re eternally connected to the people we love in the Universe. Another post for another time… Oh, and he doesn’t talk back. I mean he is dead. We have imagined conversations, in which he is quite helpful, but I’m not hearing voices. Not lately. HA! Anyway. I have an intake appointment on Tuesday and I am so very very happy about this development.
I mainlined political podcasts today, I mean, no holds barred. I’m four hours in so far. I make jewelry while I listen. I’m letting myself go wild on politics because when school starts Monday I will limit myself to ONE PER DAY. One podcast plus Deadline Whitehouse. NO MORE. Oh, and the New York Times politics section. I do recognize it’s not valuable to revisit the same news cycle multiple times in the same day. Since the podcasters and Deadline Whitehouse get a lot of their news from the New York Times, I usually visit the same stories at least three times. It’s sort of sad. It’s an addiction. I have an addictive personality. Oh boy. Therapy…
I made tomato soup FROM SCRATCH. My cooking abilities amaze me. Never would I have imagined it would be something I actually enjoy. Anyway. My recipe is at the end. And now I’m making croutons FROM SCRATCH. I haven’t perfected that recipe yet, so I’ll spare you that one.
I showered and dressed today. (It’s been a few days.) Always positive. I plan to go to Safeway later and pick up prescriptions. It’s Friday Night Date Night, but I don’t have much $$$$ so I’ll stay home, as per usual. It would be nice if David wanted to go do something, but he’s more of a hermit than I ever dreamed of being. Weirdo. He never suggests anything… Actually, he did initiate the comedy show thing, so that’s not always true.
I have been talking to some fellows I matched with online, three of them actually, but no one has asked me out yet. That’s kind of how it goes, though. You end up becoming text buddies. And sometimes sext buddies. But I make them work pretty hard for that these days. Although I did just share my erotica with one of them last night. I deemed him worthy. So that’s positive. We’ll see if he takes it further. And if he actually wants to meet, let’s see if I really do, too, or if I’m just stuck and content staying stuck. The only IRL possibility was with Franklin a couple weeks ago, and we know what a FREAK OUT that prompted. Although I’d pushed through all that and was ready to meet, but his flight was cancelled and he wasn’t able to get another. Saved by the CrowdStrike incident!
So, you see? Some good things, some not so good things, but a net positive day. I really do love my life. In spite of the hardships, in spite of the mental health battle, I’m living the life I always dreamed of living. I write, I go to school, I make jewelry, I cook, and I push myself to learn and grow and be better every day. Not exciting stuff, but so exciting if you know how far I’ve come. I’m Living. I Persevere. I Persist. With dogged Tenacity, I fight for my Quality of Life.
I do need to figure out how to get more sustained belly laughs into my existence. I’ve had Dumb and Dumber on my watchlist for a while now. Please email me with other suggestions.
I’m going to lose all my followers if I keep this shit up.
Coco’s Tomato Soup
Ingredients
2 cans tomatoes (14 oz cans, whole or diced) (you can use fresh tomatoes but then I would seriously call you an arrogant showoff)
½ to 1 cube butter (depending upon how many vegetables you use)
½ to 1 onion
1 cucumber (optional)
1 red, green, or yellow pepper (optional)
½ to 1 tsp chopped garlic (I buy the stuff in a jar, so you’ll have to convert to cloves if you’re that much of a chef which I am not… So get over yourself already.)
1 tsp Italian Seasoning (to taste) (You can use fresh herbs, but again, don’t be a showoff.)
½ to 1 tsp sea salt (to taste)
Black pepper (to taste)
½ to 1 tsp sugar (to taste)
Instructions
Cut the onion and the vegetables into chunks
Melt the butter and put the onion and vegetables in the pan. Cook down for a minute or so.
Add the tomatoes and all the rest of the ingredients. Reserve some of the spices to add as you go.
Bring to a boil, then simmer for 1 hour.
Use the blender to reduce to the desired consistency. I had to add some water to get it where I wanted it. I also added about ¼ cup half and half - optional.
Serve hot or cold, refrigerate up to 3 days, freeze as long as you fucking want to.