September 10, 2024
Women use their sexual power in many ways. Some play with it, toying with men. The more men they seduce with their feminine charms and innuendo, or by actually bedding them, the higher their self-worth. I’m guilty of this. Not always. But if there is a game to be played, sometimes it’s fun to play. Remember, all of us are good, bad, and everything in between. It’s just most of us don’t like to admit the bad.
It amuses me when men say “No games” in their online profile. Life is a game. Relationships are a game. It’s not a bad thing. It’s human to label others, to make assumptions. What’s important, what makes a person successful, is if they’re willing to collaborate on the rules of the game, and also willing to let go of a label as they get to know someone, and understand the label was wrong to begin with, or a change in dynamic means it no longer fits.
In casual connections, I generally use my sexual power to test and push on a man’s boundaries, to get a good feeling for how he feels, what he wants. The more I test and push, the more real his responses become. The more honest and transparent I become, the more comfortable he becomes being his authentic self.
A lot of men advertise for “No drama”. Men actually think that’s a valid condition. Men full well know that dating women involves drama. Women are drama. You silly boys. Let’s get real.
And NSA is quite a silly notion. In order for the sexual experience to be mutually satisfying, in addition to chemistry, there must be some level of mutual attraction based on one another’s personalities. A bond of sorts develops. That’s not a bad thing. It’s scary, yes, but it gives richness to the experience; richness to living.
All human interactions result in the birthing of those tiniest of threads between individuals, web like connections, that may gain substance and strength over time, or not. Connecting with people is the most complicated thing we do in life. It is the most terrifying, and it takes the most courage.
Everyone has experienced rejection. No one likes it. We are all scarred from it. You must be sure of yourself, clear about who you are, and confident if things don’t work out that you can walk away not feeling totally defeated. And yet, living confidently is a tenuous existence. Self-assuredness waxes and wanes, for all of us.
You may think you know what you want in a relationship. You may be prepared to feel a certain way in a certain situation, and resolve to let nothing sway you. But you really never know how you’re going to feel about someone until you begin to interact with them.
There may be chemistry, strong chemistry, and as people reveal their personalities, that chemistry may morph into genuine interest and a much deeper attraction. In other words, you begin to bond with one another. And isn’t that the magic of it all?! Isn’t that why we keep putting ourselves out there? That’s what keeps me in the game. Seeking those serendipitous connections. It’s magical. No other term for it. And I find them. I find them. And it makes it all worthwhile. Truly.
More often than not, my liaisons turn into sustaining enduring friendships. We are lovers for a time, usually a short time, then we realize we are best as friends. A very good thing. Because lovers come and go, but friends stay.
Good men can be anywhere. They are everywhere. I keep my eyes open, I keep my mind open, and I keep a willing kind heart for people.
I remain single. Why? I don’t really know. As the years pass, it becomes less important I meet someone, and more important I learn to be complete in me. I complete me.
“I must find true contentment and not a rut disguised as contentment. I now value deep, calm love as opposed to frenzied, romantic love. Deep love cannot disappear. There was a revolution in myself that will never burn out. I don’t just exist anymore, I live.”
-Paul D. Brazill
Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash