November 29, 2020 Exchange with a Match
Me:
Hello Josh. We have absolutely nothing in common but you’re cute and so I thought I would say hi. Hi! Good luck on the search. She’s out there!
Josh:
Were u feeling lonely last night ?? Did u message everyone because we have been matched for quite some time on here.
Me:
Josh! I actually got banned from Tinder a few days ago. Completely freaked me out completely freaked me out. Because then I went on Match and Plenty of Fish and all they fucking did was match me with guys my own age which I absolutely am not interested in because apparently, I’m a cougar. I used to act and a little miffed when people called me that. But then, when I went on those other sites and all they did was match me with men in their 50s and 60s, I was so incensed I even wrote to customer service! They gave me some bullshit about their matching algorithm for old ladies. I wanted my money back! But apparently, that’s not how it works.
Do you know how bad you have to be to get banned from Tinder? After I was banned, I went and read their community rules. I realized I had broken almost every one and I was surprised I had managed to operate unchecked for so many years.
I was desperate to get back on. My niece helped me get another phone number using an app on my phone. And then I re-downloaded Tinder, and POOF! I got back into my old account! And then I was doing cartwheels! Not really because I’m really fat and I would’ve made holes in the floor.
So, promising to never be bad on Tinder again, which will be really difficult for me because I’m very snarky and I like to talk about sex a lot, I messaged all the boys I have taken for granted for so long. So, yes, I messaged a lot of young men last night.
Then, I made a solemn vow that I will say hello to every man I match with between the age of 29 and 39 within 24 hours. Because that’s just good customer service.
Good luck on the search. She’s out there!
Josh:
That’s a lot of words. I do love mature BBWs. I would ask if you go for younger guys but I think at this point it’s pretty clear you do. Would you like to meet?
Me:
HELL YA!
